You may remember, not least because I haven’t shut up about it even for a second since it happened, that Tom Cruise sent me two cakes last Christmas. The story is long and overtold but, in summary: every year Tom Cruise sends a white chocolate and coconut bundt to all the people he has ever worked with. In January 2021, I embarked on a year-long campaign to receive one of these cakes myself. Two, in fact, because (and I promise this made sense at the time), Tom Cruise once ate two curries in a restaurant on the same night.

December rolled around and, to my astonishment, Tom Cruise sent me two cakes. Which is objectively too much cake, especially when every single person you know refuses a slice because they have an aversion to coconut. Nevertheless, it was a lovely touch; a solid PR move for Team Cruise and the mother of all school-gate flexes for me.